30 March 2006

I Confess

Recent events in the news this week had me thinking of a series of post or at least one post covering them. But as I was browsing De Nation this morning,

This hey article caught my attention so I decided to go for the lighter stuff rather than the heavier issues. Now I can't say that I agree or disagree with the woman, but she got some valid points on some ah de issues. Like this paragraph for instance "...The reason so many women end up disappointed and sad in love affairs is because our expectations are not fulfilled. This is a major burden many women carry because we were socialised from young to believe we should be treated in certain ways by men, and should receive particular courtesies as females...."We are taught men should behave in certain ways in relationships, and when this doesn't happen, we're devastated. So ingrained are these beliefs that though our love affairs fail based on these criteria, we continue from relationship to relationship with the same expectations, dreams, hopes – call them what you like.

This is so true. I know many women who are still unattached because they have these same set of criteria. Now don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being an unattached women, whether it be their choice or a failed relationship, but I often wonder about women who are unattached because some man did not meet one or all of these criteria and then she's left with a sour note in her mouth about men.

Take a friend of mine for example. A nice, well educated woman with the right assets in the right places for West Indian men and most men in general. My friend is unattached and guess some of the reasons why? First she wants a fella with the lighter complexion because she thinks that they treat women better than those of the darker complexions...go figure. So any dark skin brother that makes advances at her are dismissed simply because of the color of his skin.

Next, she wants a fella to do this, that and the other, but her actions towards him are totally different and I'm not speaking anything of the intimate nature. She wants the big house in the right neighborhood and the big car ect. The funny thing is that she want Mr. perfect to show up at her doorstep, but still yet if he does unannounced to surprise her, she has issues with that. But yet, she dosen't go out of her way to meet Mr. Perfect half way. Mr Perfect is to read her mind and be forbidden if he gets it wrong.

Now my girlfriend is of the child bearing age and is concerned that she's not married, don't have Mr. Perfect or the big house or car, she's wondering what's the deal with men. She's conceeded that she might be too old to have children. I had to tell her... my dear friend, in order to have a child you must be doing getting wid chile things... She still insisting on getting the light skinned brother to produce the perfect Leave it to Beaver family.

Back to the article. Now I think the woman in question might have gone a bit overbroad with her views. Relationships are a two-way street, you give, you get, you get, you give and sometime you give and don't get, othertimes you get without having to give, but lots of times it's the give and don't get. Accept it as part of life and maturity. Women in general do need to put away these misconceptions and expectations of what relationships should be and just accept your partner or potential partner for the person that he is and remember you get out of a relationship what you put into it.


Jdid said...

a few years back this guy i know did a poem and it stuck with me. he said the ladies complain persistently that there are no good men around but in order to find a good man you first must be a good woman. I truly believe that is the case with many women out there, they are not good women in the first place so they cant expect to attract good men

Dr. D. said...

Your friend needs to get beyond the colour of skin in particular....sounds like she has too many issues. Just go with the flow.

brooklyn babe said...

that give... but don't get.
is hard pill for a lot of folks to accept... like the cheese with de bread.

Abeni said...

I agree you have to live for yourself.Too many women make men the centre of their world and end up devastated when relationship sours.I had this friend who did not even want to go anywhere unless her bf was going-it was as if she did not have an identity minus him.

Anyway,your friend got to wise up and stop making those little details like color etc matter.What if the man was saying he doesn't want a dark skin girl?

Ri said...

GF got issues, yes. A hard bill to fit.

Stunner said...

I agree with you that for any relationship to begin or continue, both parties have to meet each other half way.

It looks as if your girlfriend will continue to be be "unattached" with that attitude!

Campfyah said...

Well I guess my GF will make her bed and lie in it with thorns and all. I've tried to get her to change her ways, but she nuh budge.

Max_Millyard said...

Hey Campfyah, Saw your blog. Found it interesting and I decided to holla and spit some lyrics on the subject.

She’s A Golddigga……….

All too often little girls are told the “Big Lie”
And they grow up never asking the question why
Bought into the fallacy that they can’t make it on their own and they’ll need a rich man in order to succeed
Like a vampire, addicted to the thrill of the chase, will climax while watching her victim’s wallets bleed
Casting aside things like Love and Laughter, Compassion and Cooperation
Greed and Envy, Lust and Jealousy along the road would be her companion.
For she’s a Golddigga……

With all the right assets in all the right places
She won’t pay no mind to brotha’s with half empty wallets and dark skinned faces
With dreams of Nirvana while feasting on their graces
Will smile, while those other fellas probe her desolate spaces.
For she’s a Golddigga……

Slavery was abolished many many years ago
But some women still adopt this practice, did you know
Selling themselves to the highest bidder willing to pay the price
Thus, to be treated like a slave would be her sacrifice.
For she’s a Golddigga……

She desecrates her mind, her body and her soul
Offering them to "the God" in return for that big house, a new car and a few pieces of gold
Believing that material possessions are the key to joy, peace and happiness
She’ll dismiss those who fail the grey dollar bill test.
For she’s a Golddigga……

For example, women like your girlfriend there
Are like barren fruit trees in a garden that will never bear
Who disassembles her unqualified suitors with her vampire like stare
And think that rich boys like me didn’t read the signs that said “Rich Boys BEWARE”
Whom she’ll make pay cause somebody else, did something wrong, somewhere along the line
Like daddy who didn’t get enough hugs in, before she turned nine
Lack of attention or affection from the Alpha male was usually to blame
Or maybe he slapped her about once or twice while calling out the Lord’s name
No matter what you say Campfyah, it’ll make no difference come twilight’s waning
I guarantee they’ll still be those left by the roadside broke and complaining
Granted, this may not be her time or her place, to stop and do some thinking
However, she should look up and see the sun’s passed midday and the pond’s gradually shrinking.
Cause she’s a Golddigga…..

Fellas do ya feel me. Campfyah Holla....Peace.....Max.

(c) Max Millyard